Column Chronicles: Monty Cobra's Stationary Carnival

Monty Cobra's Stationary Carnival

Frank Cotolo
September 3, 2026

EPISODE ONE: The King Swings Like A Kind Frog

ANNOUNCER IN A CHAIR BY THE SEA: And now for something completely like something else.

[CRASHING NOISE]

INTERIOR
Stag: By jolly George I believe there is an arrow in my chest.
Stig: I do not see an arrow. Just something sharp.
Stag: And?
Stig: I am happy it is not in my chest.

INTERIOR - DOCTOR'S OFFICE

[LOUD BEATING OF A HEART FOLLOWED BY A SCREAM]

Doctor: I say Bibby, it looks as though you are uncertain of historical facts concerning the Gilded Age.
Bibby: It ain't just that, gov'nor, it's much more than that.
Doctor: Please extrapulate.
Bibby: What? Right here in front of you?

[MILD APPLAUSE]

INTERIOR - POLICE STATION

Officer 1: Those on patrol must insist upon clubbing all people under the height of two feet.
Officer 2: But there are so many of them. Could we not raise the height standard?
Officer 3: If you ask me it's more beneficial to those older that the under-two-footers get conked and that is all the more reason for citizens to be aware they must grow taller.
Officer 4: I want to play Officer 2, not Officer 4.
Officer 1: Too bloody late, Bernard. This sketch is already being performed and you know the rules. No changing roles while a sketch is being performed.

[WE SEE A BLACK AND WHITE FILM OF A WILD HERD OF HORSES]

Officer 2: Is that not a heard of horses?
Officer 1: Of course I have heard of horses.

[WE SEE A SIX MEMBER MUSICAL BAND OF TRUMPET PLAYERS STANDING BUCK NAKED ON A BEACH. THEY EACH BLOW HIGH NOTES AND WALK DIRECTLY INTO THE OCEAN]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS WITH CREDITS THAT ARE FICTIONAL AND THEN A LARGE CARTOON OF A BARE HUMAN EXTERIOR APPEARS AND BLOWS UP]

THE END OF EPISODE ONE

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.