Column Chronicles: New book explains dangerous radiation spot on Earth

New book explains dangerous radiation spot on Earth

Frank Cotolo
May 30, 2024

Earth's magnetic field (MGF) has a lot to do with why humans stay alive. Without it working correctly you and I are gunkmeat. (Gunkmeat is a neo-scientific word meaning worthless). Simply, MGF stops the Sun from burning the whole blue ball to crisps. As much as we need the Sun to help us survive, it is a fawcet of radiation and its rays can be lethal.

Richard Wenderplutusmilfin, a scientist, says, "MGF has a spot between South America and Africa where the Sun's radiation is strongest in the world." Wenderplutusmilfin ought to know because he spent time there studying. The results of his stay are in his new book, "Deep Rays."

Wenderplutusmilfin says, "I don't know how badly living there for years will affect me but it may delay a sequel to my book."

Wenderplutusmilfin admits he is shorter than when he arrived but doesn't blame radiation. "It could have something to do with a large coconut that fell on my head the third week I was there."

His book theorizes what might happen if the spot expands. "Temperatures won't rise as quickly as people will stop moving quickly. And kidney implosions will become common. Children born here may possibly have the power to spit flames."

Another scientist, Patricia Partanotov Slavinoskopo, disagrees. She says, "Wenderplutusmilfin is just looking to get attention. The MGF weak spot is nowhere near dangerous. I know because I invested in beach property there for housing projects. The electric bills will be cheap because all structures will be solar powered."

"I hate her," Wenderplutusmilfin says. "When I was at university she'd find me somewhere asleep and try to trim my toenails down to the skin. Who does that?"

"Deep Rays" was recently optioned to be adapted into a screenplay. Wenderplutusmilfin says, "It's going to be rough making a movie of my book because there is little to no romantic plotline. They could add the Deadpool character, though."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.