Column Chronicles: Is Fan Fiction out of control?

Is Fan Fiction out of control?

Frank Cotolo
July 2, 2026

Fan Fiction (FF) - the unauthorized creation of existing characters by amateur writers - is beginning to show signs of self-destruction as many new fans take their contributions to absurd proportions.

A fan known only as "Dunk" recently uploaded a Star Trek story getting the attention of the FF community. Dunk's story is about Captain James Kirk's well-kept secret that he has always been "a scaredy cat." In it, Kirk tells Spock that he ---- his pants during every Klingon attack.

The story made other FFs sick. "There's no way Kirk ----s his pants from fear," said FF writer known as Frisque. "And the part where he confesses to Spock:"

"Spock, Spock," Kirk said, "even a Vulcan can understand how deep fear can affect the colon."

"There's no excuse, Captain."

"Jim, Jim, call me Jim." And then Kirk breaks into tears. Really? And Spock walks away and smiles. Smiles? Really?"

Dunk's comedic approach is influencing other FFs. One known only as Tipastano wrote an Iron Man story about Tony Stark's impotence being the true reason for creating a hard suit.

Vampire Edward Cullen from the "Twilight" series got a shellacking from FF writer known as Suk Up. His take of the bloodsucker makes Cullen a clutz as well as a pizza binger who uses blood from victims as the pie sauce. Suk Up also wrote a new "Tom Sawyer" novella. He makes Tom the founder of The Ku Klux Klan and characterizes original author Mark Twain as the Pope going underground with The Mob to catch the vampire.

An anti-classic community of FFs was organized to "drive popular characters into a pit of absurdity so anyone can abandon creativity and write wild Fan Fiction," said FF spokesman known as Snot Bar.

"With enough FF writers," Snot Bar says, "we can decimate every popular character ever written. We won't be satisfied until we strip the creativity from all fictional characters. Except maybe for Wonder Woman. She's hot."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.